Sunday, November 8, 2009

You can't beat beets


It was a kick to listen to NPR this morning. It was Liane Hansen's 20th anniversary producing Weekend Edition, the Sunday version. I had entered a ginger recipe contest, not knowing it would be part of this broadcast. I knew from a couple of emails from producers last week that my recipe was one of the three (actually four) finalists.

I did not win --- that went to the ginger martini recipe that was the fourth unacknowledged finalist that somehow materialized at the last moment. Booze will win every time, and this was no exception. However, it was very cool to hear people trying the recipe over the air and to have it published online.

Just for the record to the people who posted on the blog afterward comparing my Ginger-Orange Pickled Beets to other recipes, it's totally original. My neighbor Mary Lee brought me beets from her garden one day, and I happened to have the ingredients on hand. I liked the results, so I wrote it down. Last summer, I gave the recipe to the coordinators of the Gorge Grown farmers market, along with a few other recipes using produce offered at the various stalls.

Liane and the other judges didn't think it was gingery enough. I don't think they used enough ginger, but here goes:
GINGER-ORANGE PICKLED BEETS
6 beets, trimmed of tops and taproots
1-1/2 inch ginger root --- use a potato peeler and you don't need to peel it. (I freeze it --- it keeps for months that way --- and use a knife to scrape off thin shavings while it's frozen)
3/4 cup unseasoned rice wine vinegar (or white wine vinegar or cider vinegar)
1/3 cup sugar, or the equivalent amount of Splenda or erythritol
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 cup orange juice or 2 rounded T. orange juice concentrate
2 cloves garlic, chopped fine
1/2 Walla Walla sweet or other sweet onion, sliced into rings.
Wash the beets, trim and bring to a boil in salted water to cover; cook about 25 minutes. Cool, peel and slice thinly into non-reactive kettle, adding the other ingredients. Bring to a boil, then simmer about 15 minutes. The beets should be about covered; if not, add more orange juice or vinegar. Put into a covered glass container or a disposable/reusable storage container. Refrigerate at least three hours before serving. The beets will keep at least a week refrigerated. Beware of midnight refrigerator raids due to the likelihood of beet stains on your pajamas.
I am glad others can now have the recipe. The pickled beets will be one of the things I'm taking to our family Thanksgiving dinner.
What else can I bring? Hmmm....
That pear-ginger upside down cake sounded good.
Cranberry chutney?
Sourdough rolls?
Meanwhile, last night I had an inspiration. (It was more likely indigestion.) Remember Doris Duke in that movie, and a certain '50s hit song?
Que syrah, syrah?
It's been a shiraz for me.
Australian grapes, you see, make a fine shiraz.
When you have wine and haute cuisine,
forget the shiraz, drop it tout suite.
Ordering shiraz earns you disdain,
and the wine snobs proclaim:
It's syrah, syrah.
Your palate is indiscrete.
Shiraz is so, so last week.
It's syrah, syrah.
Heaven forbid a wine is fruity.
Sonoma tutti
oaky tartare.
Vintners convince you
you are naive
if shiraz hits your lips.
It's syrah, syrah.
The kangaroo's obsolete.
The boxes are incomplete.
Que syrah, syrah.
What will be, will be.




Sunday, October 11, 2009

Falling out, falling in

We had our first frost this morning. The east wind, usually the scourge of most Columbia Gorge residents while it brings joy to kiteboarders and windsurfers, switched directions right before dawn. The thermometer plunged to 26, Mom said. I was up before 9 and it had warmed to 31.
The garden looked droopy. It means saying goodbye to the few remnants of bounty remaining. Still in my long flannel nightgown, I went out with a knife and bag and cut all the eggplant but one little straggler.
I sliced them into a glass casserole with a large can of chunky tomatoes plus some onion, garlic, fresh oregano, thyme, parsley and a little white wine, and baked them in the hot oven along with a chicken breast and dressing casserole for our Sunday dinner.
Mom stayed home from church today. She feels like she has the flu.
We drove into Vancouver yesterday and bought a circulating oil heater from Bi-Mart, on sale for $29.95. I had already given her mine to use in her bathroom for extra heat when she takes a shower.
I am not looking forward to this winter and the spiraling cost of electric heat. We set up the new heater in the living room next to her loveseat this morning, and she is cozily watching TV with the cat snuggling up to her and the heater.
I wanted to get her one of those snugglies, the fleece throws with sleeves to help her feel warmer, but that turned into a disaster. I found one in one of my catalogs, but the burgundy ones were on back order, and she didn't particularly want a sage one. I did a search and it popped up on one of those "as seen on TV" sites. I used my credit card (there was a choice of several colors and two for the price of one --- such a deal) and also ordered a spacesaver set of hangers for my cramped closet. Caveat emptor. Lo and behold, when the order had gone through and I tried to print out the final copy, the shipping was more than $30! I did a Google on the company and found a rattlesnake's den of complaints, with horror stories about orders not arriving, e-mails and phone calls ignored, items not ordered being billed to credit cards --- I immediately sent an e-mail trying to cancel the order, but the blogs I read said those were ignored. I got on the phone with my credit card company and tried to stop payment, and was told that it couldn't be done before it had posted, and once it posted, it would have to be a dispute. One online diatribe suggested the only solution is to cancel the card immediately, before the company could put it in for payment. That's what I did. With a second phone call (once again to an East Indian customer service rep), the deed was done. I cut up the card and will get a new number in the mail. This, too, shall pass. But it will be awhile before I order something online.
Some quiet Sunday afternoon. Meanwhile, the sky is graying, it's still kind of chilly, and I am worrying about getting the heater/defroster fan fixed on my truck before the weather gets worse.
There are still a few green tomatoes not ripe enough to tempt the deer, who wiped out nearly all my Cherokee Purples. I will leave the remaining paste tomatoes and grass-green heirlooms on the vine and hope a few get some color. It is supposed to start raining Tuesday.
I am bracing for the coming storms by taking more vitamin C and buying warm socks. New boots are next. And I feel like I may be getting Mom's flu. Gargle, gargle.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Breakfast symphony

Using the freshest ingredients in season often involves improvisation, which to me is like music. It's something acted upon immediately and perfect when it's right. The other morning I awoke at 6:05 with a priority --- four large ripe pears --- although I had to be at work before 8:30. The pears with a perfect blush on their skins were beckoning. I had traveled to Hood River to pick up my mother from a week-long trip the day before and didn't have time to deal with the pears then.
Breakfast was improvised, and I don't have a recipe written down, but here goes:
The four large pears were cored and chopped into a thick kettle, not peeled, with one-third cup of white wine and a squeeze of plastic lime ( I know). From the freezer, I took out a giant knob of frozen fresh ginger knob, shaving off about 3 T. of the knob with a paring knife. I added about one-quarter cup of cranberry juice with Splenda and one-half cup of dried cranberries, plus a good squeeze of agave syrup, then put in probably one-half cup of fluffy Splenda (sorry --- that's how I roll. Erythritol would have been better, but I was out.).
I brought it to a boil, then put in one package of Ball low-sugar pectin, stirring constantly. Bringing it back to a boil, I timed it for a minute. Meanwhile, I had taken three pint jars and put them and their lids into hot water, bringing the water to a boil in another deep kettle.
The jars boiled at least a minute before I fished them out one at a time to fill the jars, using a rubber-lined jar lifter I found at Goodwill for about a dollar.
I filled two pints and put the sterilized lids on. There was half a jar left over to use immediately (although the lid popped like it had sealed, too.)
I made sourdough cornmeal pancakes, using the starter I have in the refrigerator for sourdough french bread. I added about one-half cup white cornmeal self-rising southern cornbread mix (fifty cents at Grocery Outlet because it was outdated) plus about three-quarters cup of starter, and one egg (I used Eggbeaters) plus enough buttermilk to thin it to the consistency of pancake batter. I usually put in about one-quarter teaspoon of soda and a little salt and agave syrup to give it balance.
The pancakes were the lightest, perfect with the still warm pear/cranberry/ginger jam remainders.
I still got to work on time, having taken no more than 45 minutes to put up two pints of no-sugar jam for the winter, plus making a gourmet breakfast for my 83-year-old mother.
Maybe microwave oatmeal is easy, but this wasn't that much harder.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

What you see...

I heard a discussion on KGO tonight of how graphic images in the media should be, what is appropriate. This anniversary of 9/11, I saw fewer horrific examples of the carnage of that day, although I heard a recounting by an eyewitness of people jumping from the twin towers. It was on the radio, yet it was to me as disturbing as the earlier photos of bodies hurtling through space, possibly more so. A recently publicized shot of a dying Marine, his leg shot off in Afghanistan, was used by KGO talk host Pat Thurston as another example. Perhaps the public needs to be reminded of the realities of this war, but his family has objected to its use in newspaper around the nation. Where do you draw the line?An editor of an Oakland newspaper called in, and said there are different standards in each community. He referred to photos of the deaths of 15-year-olds due to gang violence --- there are so many examples happening on his turf that these decisions are made nearly daily. He referred to the "cereal test" --- what could be tolerated in print over breakfast without losing your appetite. As editor of a weekly newspaper, I have no editorial board. I have had to work through many of these decisions on my own. On an early assignment around 1986 as a photographer/reporter covering a fatal accident on Highway 14, I blithely snapped away as the remains of a pickup were removed that had been flattened by bins of fruit when a load shifted. I was jolted into the reality of the situation when someone told my that the driver was still in that 18-inch tall wreckage. I stood nauseated by the side of the road, not taking photos any longer, as his limp body, every bone broken into fragments, was extracted. It was a lesson I have never forgotten.
It is hard to balance a family's wishes against the image that may tell the story better than 1,000 words. I once took a black and white photo of a little wheelchair against the backdrop of the blackened ruins of a home. The father, a PUD lineman, had been killed in a house fire trying to save his handicapped son, who was still in elementary school. The mother and daughter came home from a volleyball game to discover half the family gone, along with their home. Members of the family who had seen me take the photo called the publisher, asking that the photo not be used. I thought it told the story in a very powerful, tragic way, but the newspaper owner and I conceded to the family's wishes. I now understand. I know the then-high school aged daughter, and I lived two doors down from the location of that home for several years; the house has since been replaced.
If the scanner goes off and it is a motorcycle crash, I will not go. The carnage is inevitably too great to depict in print. I have run some photos that were possibly problematic due to their subject matter. A woman once jumped off the top of Beacon Rock in a suicide attempt, only to become lodged on a ledge one-third of the way down. Her rescue involved a helicopter, which was buffeted by wind shear as it attempted to come to her aid, and a Vietnam vet, who was able to rappel down the rock to her position to administer first aid. She was dressed in white, and I ran an image of a tiny white speck on the rock, with a helicopter hovering. She lived, although she had a broken pelvis and many other injuries.
I generally do not include accounts of suicides unless they involve use of public resources in some way, such as the search for a man who jumped from the Bridge of the Gods, leaving his car's motor running halfway across.
I am now 60 years old, and have been doing this a long time. I am much less likely to use a disturbing photo these days. I am also much older than the preponderance of J-school grads who do the equivalent of my job, likely for much more money.
I have to live here. I run into their families every day in the grocery store and at the post office. However, there is something to be said for publishing images of things that should be disturbing --- the results of gang violence, or the horrors of war.
My nephew came back from a year of service in Iraq with photos that were truly upsetting. The most horrific to me was a photo of him standing with his weapon cocked against a ruined wall while on patrol, with giant graffiti of a skull wearing a helmet behind him. It illustrated what he saw every day, no blood necessary.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I first learned to walk at the age of nine months, when according to my mother, I fell in the kitchen of the little house my father was still building and hit my head on a nail sticking out of an interior wall. I didn't try again for months.
The scar is still there above my right eye, right at the spot where I eventually began plucking my eyebrows. You can hardly see it any more, because I plucked my eyebrows long enough that they will never grown back.
During this same time period, I learned the hard way about "No." I was repeatedly told by my mother not to touch the hot woodstove, and then I did. I seared my little hand quite badly, I am told.
I was also reported by the neighbor across the road in Buena Heights as an incorrigible stripper. I loved to run about in the front yard naked around age two because it felt so good, taking off all my clothes as soon as I was left alone to play.
There was a neighbor boy, and I remember sitting in the yard making mud pies with him ---- and eating them. He was the kid who sent the whole neighborhood on a treasure hunt, looking for the other shoe from a brand new pair that he had taken off and abandoned somewhere.
We moved to Boise, Idaho, where my parents worked for a children's home, then as house parents at a juvenile delinquent home run by the same church and Bible school that my father attended.
I remember my sister and I sitting on a blanket in the side yard at the children's home in Boise, as my 18-month-old brother became fascinated by a spider crawling on the wall. It was a black widow and we told him not to touch it, but he did. He was bitten and was in a coma. He came to in the hospital, singing "Jesus Loves Me" to the nurses from his crib. He still sings, and is now a hospice chaplain in Louisiana.
From age three or so, I was raised as just another one of the orphans or other abandoned children, at least during meal times and during group activities. I remember being under the supervision of a woman other than my mother, who tried to hurry me in the bathroom right before church service. I would not be hurried, and so produced a tiny pellet in my underpants during the service, to my utter humiliation. While my mother was in the hospital having another sister, I was placed in the charge of one of the 'big kids,' an 18-year-old boy who put me on the back of his bicycle to ride double. I got my foot caught in the spokes, and spent the next six weeks unable to walk. My mother had a new baby but also had to carry me to the bathroom. The doctors thought I might never walk right again. At age 60, that same ankle, which I have broken two more times at the same weak spot, is giving me problems and I may be reduced to using a cane soon.
In Iowa, we lived in a single-wide trailer, first in an Ottumwa trailer park with the gypsies, who stole things from us, then at the edge of the woods next to a cornfield on the property of friends. My father was attending the Midwestern School of Evangelism, learning Greek and Hebrew fulltime while also working as a grocery bagboy, then as a mechanic, with four, then five kids to support. My mother was an RN and worked at the hospital, leaving us youngsters in the care of Sadie Hooten. She was a widow whose husband had been a miner, less than exemplary while he was still alive. She played with us using shoeboxes and Sear's catalogues to make homemade doll houses. She also made us sugar cookies with caraway seeds, the inspiration for my failed attempt at age 10 or 11 to make a chocolate cake with caraway seeds in it.
While in Iowa, Mom tried to learn to drive a stick. She took us to school at the one-room schoolhouse at Dahlonega in the pickup, and also came to pick us up to go home. as there was no schoolbus. We rattled around in the back of the pickup bed as it lurched wildly while she attempted to change gears on the Iowa backroads.
Our trailer next to the woods was also near the crazy house or "poor farm," where people were sent when their families couldn't care for them any longer, or they had no one left to care. I'm sure some of them had Alzheimer's. One old man was fairly harmless and wandered away repeatedly. He was always found in the cornfield near us, feeding corn off the stalks to his pet groundhogs.
Our dog Duke, one of a loyal succession of black cocker spaniels, had the end of his tongue bitten off by a groundhog. He also successfully chased off ---- and drew quantities of blood from --- the burglar who broke into the shed next to the trailer containing my father's tools.
We moved back to the Northwest one semester shy of my father's graduation from the seminary when my brother was born with breathing difficulties stemming from the Iowa weather and an enlarged thymus gland. As we went over the Continental Divide, his labored breath grew easier.
We lived in the trailer at the bottom of my grandparents' driveway at first, then moved into a stucco, flat-roofed house in Yakima on 11th Avenue. For my tenth birthday, my father bought an old Schwinn bike, completely taking it apart and painting it red. I rode that bike everywhere. I especially liked to ride out to the Yakima Airport and watch the planes take off, a ten-mile round trip. Would parents these days allow a child to do that? I don't think so.
We traded the house in town for my grandparents' place in the country. It was a former chicken ranch, with long outbuildings and a giant barn. We used one of the chicken houses as a playhouse, with old car seats for couches, dishes and books. I was hiding from chores one day, sitting in a milking stanchion in the barn reading a book, when a rattlesnake slithered up the wall right next to me. I jumped up and ran straight up the long flight of stone steps from the barn to the house, collapsing on the front porch while muttering, "snake, snake."
One day, also probably trying to avoid chores, I became angry at my mother over something and rode the red bike straight down that steep hill between the row of poplars, gathering speed as I went. At the 90-degree turn at the bottom of the hill, I lost control and wiped out.
The tire guard sliced my left knee to the bone, and I staggered up the hill to the house, bone showing and blood streaming. My mother, the RN, nearly fainted as I appeared at the house singing "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf," (don't ask me why). They couldn't take me to the hospital right away because my father was in the middle of burning off half the pasture, and she still couldn't drive a stick properly.
When they finally got me to the doctor in Yakima. I was still in shock, and he sewed me up in without any sort of anesthetic. He had been a missionary in China, and was an intrepid mountaineer who had been best pals with then-Justice William O. Douglas, who at the time had just taken up with a waitress thirty years younger.
In high school, one of my first boyfriends was an Eagle Scout who worked summers for Douglas, cutting firewood and hanging out at his cabin near Bumping Lake.
My grandparents ran a boat landing and concession at Bumping Lake for several years, when Grandma wasn't cooking for the Forest Service firefighters and they weren't being the caretakers at the nearby Girl Scout camp.
We loved to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a week or so during the summer, one at a time so as to get us out of Mom's hair while she was working the night shift at the hospital. The boat landing position included free rent on a cabin built on stilts out over the water.
We paddled around the lake half the day in one of the rowboats that wasn't rented out, fishing, swimming and messing around. It was paradise. Grandma caught trout for breakfast off the deck, and made us biscuits in the woodstove.
We went back to to Bumping Lake to visit two summers ago during a family reunion at a nearby campground. While the cabin on stilts wasn't there, the dock was, and the lake was as beautiful as I remembered it.
We survived all kinds of things when we were young. Dad made a third seat for the Carry-All, and we had to wear one of the first seatbelts (there were nine of us by then). He made that thing from webbing, just like he made the 14-foot camping trailer that slept nine from the axle up, with its ingenious folding double canvas bunks at each end. The seatbelt was one belt stretching across the laps of three people, but we were belted in.
When the people didn't immediately move out of the house Dad bought in Wapato, we lived in that trailer at least a couple of months. We must have been their worst nightmare. We moved in next to the garage, living in the camping trailer because we'd already sold our other house. All nine of us were jammed into that trailer, the youngest sleeping in a trundle bed that later became a toy box. We used the outhouse on the other side of the garage, and had to get out of the trailer while Mom was cooking, because there wasn't enough room for us to be in there while she was at work, even if it was raining. I don't remember how we managed showers. I was in junior high by that time.
I remember vividly the day that JFK was killed. Most kids were crying, but the budding John Birchers were cheering.
I later had a 4-H project, a purebred Jersey cow, and got up early every morning to train her to lead on a halter up and down the driveway preparing to show her at the fair. One of the neighbor boys would "moo" at me in the hallway at school. Looking back, I think it may also have had something to do with my 36-inch bustline, which suddenly sprouted when I was 13.
A 19-year-old guy came to stay with my family while trying to help them start a church, and took quite a shine to me. My parents decided it wasn't such a great idea having him live there in the house. Later that year, he married an older divorcee with several young girls. I was devastated.
I wrote poetry and dreamed my way through the rest of high school, picking up a guitar and becoming a folkie by my senior year, which was spent in Arizona,. I left the same seminary in Iowa my Dad attended after the first semester, due to an existential crisis, and ran away to California and the Haight-Ashbury the summer after the Summer of Love.
I then hitchhiked across the U.S. by myself, leaving San Francisco the day after Martin Luther King was killed.
Thinking back on all that now, it's amazing that I am still here, walking around (barely).

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Ten things I cannot do without

Try watching the Cooking Channel for 10 minutes without seeing repeated references to butter, cream, sugar or bacon. Forget Paula Deen. And her sons. Ditto the Neelys.
Since moving in with my mother, I have had to alter what I cook and bake to fit her dietary requirements. Everything needs to be not only sugar-free, it can be no more than around 3% fat. She has had pancreatitis five times, and we have almost lost her twice.
Mom can't have Nutrasweet and neither can I --- She went to a neurologist who thought she had a brain tumor until she stopped using so much aspartame. If someone slips me a diet drink with Nutrasweet, it makes my ears ring and I feel like I'm coming onto a hit of acid. I have been making do with agave syrup, Splenda, erythritol and xylitol.
Then there are the butter alternatives. I can't stand "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter." I reluctantly use Smart Squeeze. I used to buy chocolate, Nutella, brie and sour cream, plus croissants, kielbasa and pork spare ribs. No more.
Going shopping is now an exercise in label-reading. My mother was quite irked this week while at Trader Joe's to discover that the can of sardines she craved are verboten, even those packed in tomato sauce or spring water. We made do with two cans of smoked trout packed in oil and brine, which are 6%, okay for an occasional treat.
Today, I made pasta for Sunday dinner using Trader Joe's organic whole wheat rotini with tomato sauce, fresh basil and zucchini from our garden, sweet red pepper and rounds of Beeman's Old World Gourmet Sausage with smoked mozzarella, artichoke and garlic, which is only 5% fat. Topped with the 2% grated parmesan from Grocery Outlet, which is also where I found the sausage, it was a respectable dish of pasta.
For dessert, I made mixed fruit cobbler. Into a deep Pyrex baking dish, I sliced big black plums that were sweet but a bit hard, mixing them with an already cooked apple compote, a couple of spoons of no-sugar huckleberry preserves, cinnamon, nutmeg, agave syrup and a little of the commercial brown sugar/Splenda mixture, plus a sprinkle of tiny tapioca beads as thickener. I topped the fruit with a batter made with buttermilk, Eggbeaters, flour, agave syrup, Splenda, vanilla, baking soda and 1/2 tsp. non-aluminum baking powder, sprinkling the top with cinnamon and nutmeg.
Because the plums were a bit hard, I cooked the fruit mixture in the covered casserole dish in the microwave about 4 minutes, with 2 or 3 T. of juice to give it a start. Then I topped it with the batter and baked it at 325 degrees for about 40 minutes. It tastes satisyingly of summer.

I get tired of my own cooking sometimes, and I have the guilty pleasures of Chinese buffets or sushi bars to resort to when away from home for a few hours by myself.
Today, I vacillated over whether to drive into Vancouver for an oil change (and sushi!), but did the dutiful thing and stayed home to make Sunday dinner while Mom was at church.
Instead of Jiffy Lube, I climbed on the folding ladder, and added a little radiator fluid and a quart of high-mileage oil to my delapidated F-150, which is no doubt Clunker-worthy and really does need an oil change. It will have to wait until my next paycheck. Today is the last day for that controversial Clunker incentive program, but I am too proud, and I don't need another monthly payment. I think junking a working vehicle to make another car is just as damaging to the environment, if not more so.
I am doing my part by being less dependent on junk/convenience foods and buying or growing a much healthier diet. Two cylindrical purple eggplant are about three inches long now, with loads of beautiful purple blooms. I picked another zucchini and two tomatoes today. We will soon have quite a crop of heirloom and paste tomatoes in the planter boxes next to the house. There are about eight jars of sugar-free elderberry jelly and peach/pineapple, raspberry and blackberry jam on the shelf. With corn, peaches, plums and other produce from the local farmers market and fruit stands, we are living quite high on the (lowfat) hog this summer. Now if I could just slip away long enough to pick a few huckleberries...

The list of 10 things I cannot do without:
* low sodium chicken broth in cartons
* canola cooking spray
* La Baleine des salins du midi (coarse sea salt from France)
* organic blue agave syrup from Trader Joe's
* Laughing Cow light garlic & herb cheese wedges (for crackers and cheese midnight snacks)
* Fresh Finds chopped dehydrated garlic ($1 a jar at Big Lots)
* Chiquilin pimenton ahumado (smoked paprika from Spain)
* Orowheat multi-grain sandwich thins
* Dreyer's Slow-Churned No-Sugar vanilla ice cream with Splenda (5%)
* Trader Joe's Mixed Wild Mushroom Medley, an imported dried mix with porcini, shiitake, black and oyster mushrooms. The packets are quite reasonable at under $2 for 25 grams and the wild flavors are great in soup, in risotto, etc. There were none in the aisles for a couple of months because of a shipping snafu. I was persistent in my inquiries until they were at last in stock again. I also like packages of dried shiitake sliced mushrooms from Uwajimaya.

Monday, August 3, 2009

The heat from here

It's hot. I, the victim of two former heat strokes, took a picture of the bank thermometer registering 108. Things left in my pickup melted. The air conditioning at work is broken and the furnace comes on at inopportune times, such as today, Monday. My brain ceased working while trying to get the newspaper ready to go to the printers. The repairman finally came after a week of pleading with the landlord. The repairman told him the heat pump is not fixable and will cost $7,500 to replace. Meanwhile, I am being quite even-handed in a front page political story about the mayor's race, featuring our landlord as one of the two candidates.
Mom and I have been trying to deal with living in a mobile home without a cooling system. We have fans, but they only work when there is cooler air outside. Mom is 83 and diabetic, and she crashed and burned Friday night, becoming fairly incoherent with her blood sugar measuring 58. It's hard to eat the right things when it's hot. Instead of a nice salad with homegrown tomatoes and sliced chicken breast, we had to find her more substantial fare in a hurry, a peanut butter and honey sandwich to get through the crisis.
We went on expeditions to supposedly cooler places, only to find campers with attack dogs (Government Mineral Springs), and hordes of windsurfers, kiteboarders, swimmers, kayakers, jet-skiers and other recreationists on the Stevenson waterfront.
We finally found an oasis of sorts at Home Valley Park. Although it was still quite hot and our picnic was desultory, the river as seen from below our picnic table was restorative. We watched the barges go by, drank Hansen's diet sodas with Splenda and ate low-fat ham and cheese sandwiches.
The melons and sweet corn we've found lately have been amazing. I picked the first two Cherokee Purple heirloom tomatoes from our planter boxes, which we nearly lost from the extreme heat. They were wonderful paired with slices of the patty pan squash my sister brought us, plus fresh basil, chives, marjoram and sage, baked in my porcelain-lined Dutch oven. I also made a shiitake and button mushroom casserole with chicken breast chunks, herbs and jasmine brown rice and wild rice. Unfortunately, although I started fairly early Sunday morning, the oven heated up the kitchen and I spent the rest of the day compensating with open windows and fans. The forecast is for slightly cooler temperatures later this week, with the risk of thunder storms in the Cascades, including our area. There are already several forest fires to the north started by lightning. I had to work in the sweltering heat of our office while writing a story about the fire danger, while thanking my lucky stars I'm not a smoke jumper.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Bill or Henry?

"Schwartzkopf." That was the word hissed repeatedly by an old man as he followed us, huffing and spitting he was so beside himself, as we walked down a sidestreet in Germany. This was in 1975 or 1976, thirty years after the end of WWII.
Literally translated, it means "black lover." It was true. I was with William. We faced other incidents of discrimination in Germany, more than in any other country, partly because they may have thought I was German.
A woman at the lunch counter in the train station refused to serve us, moving pointedly and repeatedly to the other end of the counter to avoid having to wait on us. The scariest moment was when we took the wrong train and ended up waiting on the platform in a tiny town as the other people on the platform began to assume a mob aspect, muttering among themselves while glancing our direction.
It also happened in other countries. In Rome at a famous sidewalk restaurant, the waiter brought our salads with a smirk; one bite and it was immediately apparent why. William's had been salted into inedibility and mine had been peppered. They had made their black and white point.
It was worse in Algeciras, Spain. While waiting for the ferry to cross over to Morocco, we went into a restaurant where William was served a beer into which the barman had pissed.
This latest incident involving Henry Louis Gates, who was arrested while trying to open the stuck door of his Harvard-owned townhouse, is a reminder that racism is still present in this country. What if he had been Bill Gates? The policeman would probably have said, "Can I help you get that stuck door open?"
I loved the comment of President Obama, who said he probably would have been shot under similar circumstances if trying to open the door at the White House.
I am listening tonight to KGO in San Francisco, and Dick Gregory is being interviewed on air. Always inciteful, he speaks truth without hate with the kind of resignation that can only result from growing up and surviving as long as he has in this society. Just listening to the cadence of his voice brings back feelings I haven't felt for years.
In my corner of the world, there are few black people. There are other minorities --- Hispanics and remnants of the tribes that once lived along this river. Dick Gregory once came to the Northwest to take up the fishing rights issue.
When I lived in New York, my second encounter with Miles Davis was because he was trying to hail a cab on West End Avenue, around the corner from his brownstone on 77th.
"Get me a cab," he said in his raspy whisper. "They'll stop for you because you're white." He was right.
An image of him playing his trumpet is on the wall over my computer. Next to him is the photo I took of Charles Mingus, lighting his pipe at the piano at UC Berkeley, and my Todd woodcut of Eric Dolphy.
Lou Donaldson also looks like he is praying while holding his horn in the sepia-tone photo I took of him this year at the Portland Jazz Festival. Right behind him is propped the album cover of "Underground," by Thelonious Monk. He is sitting at a piano with a gun over his shoulder in that famously staged photo echoing the French resistance. Bound and gagged in a chair is a German officer, and in the background is an eery echo of Patricia Hearst, a woman wearing a beret and carrying an automatic weapon.
While living in San Francisco during the years she was on the lam with the SLA, I was once pulled out of a car by the police on the Bay Bridge and had to explain myself because they thought I was her.
My mother occasionally walks into my room and holds her tongue while glancing at my gallery. Today, she expressed her outrage at the Gates incident while revealing some old attitudes. I did not see the footage. She said she was worried about the potential for civil unrest at a march planned tonight. The TV reporters had interviewed "some Negro women," she said, and they had said some "ugly things." I felt like saying, "Mom, they haven't been called a Negro for 40 years." But I held my tongue, too.
I guess it's true. I am a "schwartzkopf."

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The former Fox Theatre and long-ago Portland

I sang with a band in the early 1970's in Portland, Ore., but I also had a day job working at the Fox Theatre in downtown Portland. It was a classic theater, demolished in 1997, but was built in 1911 as a movie palace. It still had ornate ceilings, and balconies with red velvet curtains.
It was remodeled in 1954 at a cost of $230,000, and was torn down to make room for the Fox Tower, a current blight on the downtown cityscape.
When I worked there it was a bit on the seedy side and was a second-run theatre showing some first-run films. Its early elegance was a match for the Paramount up Broadway.
For the Fox showing of "Young Frankenstein," the theater manager contributed a Vandegraaf generator and old posters from his collection of '20s and '30's film memorabilia for the display cases. We also had lines around the block for the popular Bruce Lee kung fu films.
I especially hated the uniforms, which were Mann Theatre blue and yellow, and did not exactly fit my shape. I also hated working behind the candy counter, which smelled like stale popcorn. Working the front booth meant if your cash register was low for some reason, you had to make it up on the spot. I believe the same policy was in effect at the candy counter, but it was not quite as stringently applied. Not many girls wanted to work the ticket booth, and I often ended up in that tiny prison, freezing or roasting behind the glass on holidays or someone else's missed shifts.
The backstage area of the Fox was quite intimidating, a maze of working theater passages and subareas. Going for supplies was an adventure of the cobwebby sort.
I let the young kids of a friend, Nancy King, into the theater for free to see Bruce Lee films, and that was never challenged, but a boyfriend was not entirely welcome. I suspect the theater manager watched us when I went backstage on a break to hang out with him for 10 or 15 minutes. I soon broke off that affair; I think the theatre manager hoped he could watch us again from behind the red velvet curtains.
While working at the theater, I had a side venture going in addition to the band. I went to Oregon Leather, down on the other side of Burnside in the Park blocks, and purchased remnants of leather and other fabrics that I sewed (often using my great grandmother's treadle) into items sold on consignment in little boutiques. Among them was a certain little blue and green upholstery backpack that was quite distinctive. It had an antique rounded button as a fastener, grass green webbing straps, and a blue-green slub-patterned upholstery fabric body. It didn't sell, so I used it for awhile myself. Then I consigned it to a dumpster, replacing it with something more utilitarian.
I often worked for other people in the Fox ticket booth when they didn't want to work on unpopular shifts, including holidays. One Christmas, no one else would work, so I showed up the morning of Christmas Day.
As I sat in the isolated front window, the streets almost deserted, I saw a familiar old man who was a regular on Broadway, a down-and-outer who lacked the vices of some of the more obnoxious street people. He was a slumped-over old man simply trying to survive, and on his back that morning for the first time was a familiar item that I had discarded within the last 24 hours in a Northwest Portland dumpster --- the green and blue backpack. It was a Christmas gift to him from me, a sign to never take my misery for granted. I was glad that someone else could utilize a discard with a value, a creative object.
I can still see it on his back.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Over My Head

The lettuce was wilting at the Gorge-Grown farmers market the morning of the Fourth. The vendors were busy with spray bottles trying to revive their wares. I bought the last basket of blueberries from Alice Meyers and some edible pod peas from Norm Haight. Breakfast Sunday morning was sourdough waffles with blueberry compote. The sugar snap peas will go into an herb/penne pasta salad for lunch.
Mom and I went to the fairgrounds around 2:45 on the Fourth, prepared for the duration with lawnchairs, hats, books and knitting, plus a small cooler filled with sugar-free root beer, cheese and fruit (Mom is a diabetic and gets shaky sometimes). Almost no one was there for festivities supposedly starting at 3. We camped in the only shade we could find, just outside an orange taped-off area because of the fireworks.
I walked over to see what was happening in the horse arena, where the games were supposed to be. No one had signed up. John Reaney was pitching horseshoes, but there were no keg tossers, tug-of-war competitors, not even a water balloon tosser. The Dogzilla stand and Eagles burger booth were virtually deserted.
The wind blew the dedication page out of the book Mom was reading, "Pioneer Women." I had given it to my Kansas grandmother, and got it back after she died.
Just settling in, we were asked to move our outpost as they put the safety barrier back further.
After loading things back into the van, I thought I would try to get a photo. There were a few teens playing a desultory game of volleyball. Every one of their serves went offside.
I was hot. "Somebody's grumpy," Reaney observed as he acknowledged me while measuring a ringer with the only other horseshoe player.
Mom wanted to go for a drive. We wandered down to the waterfront to watch the kiteboarders, then decided to see what was happening in Cascade Locks. From the vantage point of the Bridge of the Gods we could see literally thousands of people. Almost none of them were actually from Cascade Locks. They were picnicking, playing guitars, parading their dogs and eating ice cream. Mom was intimidated by their numbers and decided to stay in the van and read her book.
I snapped a few pictures, then we went to dinner at the Charburger. Mom had the charbroiled salmon, likely from one of the Indian fish sellers set up in the parking lot under the bridge.
We crossed the bridge again. Music was underway in the covered area between the barns where the Bluegrass Festival is held. About 35 people were scattered in the stands and on folding chairs.
It was finally starting to cool off. We found another picnic table, this time closer to the water, with a row of poplars for shade. The wind was waning. We settled in to wait for the fireworks. I listened to KBOO on my old Walkman, which was broadcasting the Blues Festival live from the Portland waterfront. There were several acts from New Orleans, the final one Bonerama, with four trombonists playing pleasant cacaphony. It was the perfect accompaniment. At one point, I took off the headphones long enough to take a few pictures of the Jive Turkeys playing their set. Jackie Burns was looking hot (in the other sense) in a lowcut red dress, playing keyboards and singing like Chrissy Hynde.
More and more young families began arriving with their blankets and coolers, staking their claim to the goose poop-covered grass. Japanese men staying at Skamania Lodge asked if they could share our picnic table. Their English-speaking teen daughters arrived a little later.
The nearly full moon rose over the gorge walls, casting its rippling reflection over Rock Cove. People tried to capture it on their cell phones as youngsters ran in circles waving glow sticks and wearing glow halos.
No personal fireworks were allowed on the fairgrounds this year, unlike other years that occasionally resembled WWIII, but Rock Creek Park was literally ringed with displays that must have cost hundreds of dollars. Some were being set off on the waterfront. Others were behind us, erupting over the tops of rows of evergreen trees.
The Jive Turkeys were still playing around 10 p.m. when the real show began. It was one "ooh" and "aah" after another. We had a nearly front row seat. I got a crick in my neck, looking upward as each burst flowered overhead. The Japanese girls did a 'play by play,' saying, "hair" when glistening silver strands descended, or "Christmas," for the red and green showers. Then the fireworks began across the river in Cascade Locks. It was a rivalry of bombs bursting in air. The walls of the Columbia Gorge reverberated.
There were three bursts of simultaneous displays, which usually signal the finale, but everyone was pleasantly surprised as the show continued. Then the real finale began. The battery in my digital camera gave up the ghost, and I watched the show happening overhead with the elation of an 11-year-old.
Thank you. I am no longer grumpy.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Through the Haze

After all these years, (41?) I had an email from Marty Baum, the leader of Natty Bumpo. I had joined the band in San Francisco, and traveled with them to Washington D.C., their home base. They'd recorded an LP for Mercury with another female singer, and I had to learn the material by listening to the record over and over. This occurred after they had appeared as the opener for Jimi Hendrix during his first gigs back in the U.S. from England in the fall of 1967. Jimi was in fine form with the Experience, and while I was not with them at the time, it had been a major life-and music-altering influence on the band.
When we first got back to D.C., the home of Marty, the drummer, Stephen, the bass player, and Junior, the guitar player, we stayed in the former servant's quarters of an antebellum mansion in Virginia. The daughter of the family was a music fan, if a bit loopy. She was a friend of Jim Morrison's longtime girlfriend, Pam. We rehearsed in what had been the stables/carriage house. Once when it rained, I got a bad electric shock on the lips from the mic after stepping into a puddle on the floor from the leaky roof. The appliances in the house did not work, so I cooked meals in a popcorn popper. We gathered our loose change ---- we weren't gigging yet --- and bought bags of rice and split peas, carrots, onions, etc., and I cooked nourishing, cheap food for us. Hippie mama I was; after growing up in a family of nine, I knew how to cook in quantity for cheap, although the popcorn popper was a challenge. It took quite a bit longer to get things done, but it was no worse than camping at the 11,000-foot level in the Rockies waiting for Kahoutek to land and wipe out the West Coast.
When the band started playing, we had a variety of gigs, from outdoor concerts sponsored by a radio station in Maryland to being the house band at the Showboat on 18th and Columbia Road.
When the band had a gig at a national librarian's convention in a hotel ballroom, it was a very hot, humid day, and the beer was flowing. The librarians were dancing on the tables. I was singing "Purple Haze." Marty's drums were set up on a small riser, and the cymbal was not screwed down well. It came off its moorings and flew through the air like a flying saucer. I had my eyes closed and didn't see it coming. It knocked me out cold and sliced my nose open. I was lying on the floor, still out, when a friend/male groupie of mine (an older guy named Dan, who had an antique store featuring brass beds) came in the door as everyone was standing around wondering what to do. He scooped me up and tossed me in the back seat of his convertible and took me to an emergency room. It was too busy with knife fights, etc., so he took me to another hospital. The intern said he didn't want to sew my lip, and put on a butterfly bandage instead. I was instructed not to talk or sing for something like 10 days, and not to eat anything that couldn't be ingested through a straw. Dan took care of me, keeping me in milkshakes and combustibles. I still have a small scar that is showing up more as I age, along with the scar on my upper lip from a VW crash a couple of years later.
One gig at the Showboat especially stands out in my mind. We did the regular gig, then the after-hours part. Everyone was tired. It was my birthday, and my friend Karen brought me a turquoise satin skirt she'd stitched up. While most everyone else was drunk, I had ingested something mind-altering before the after-hours set. When it came time to play, Marty was on the B-3 rather than drums, and I think Junior was on the drums. The club started filling up. I particularly remember Willie the Pimp and his ladies, dressed in long gowns in graduating shades that matched their hair. I remember improvising the lyrics to a long blues.
The band broke up when it turned out payments hadn't been made on critical band equipment.
I worked for a time as an underage cocktail waitress at a club around the corner from the Showboat called The Bridge, which had formerly been the best French restaurant in D.C. (I believe the bakery is still there --- I recognized its name this year when I was there for the Inauguration). The bartender was 17, the head waitress was an underground abortionist; the maitre d' had a PhD in biophysics and had been a bodyguard for Malcolm X. I worked for him for a time, transcribing tapes for a book he was writing.
The club was owned by a player on the Redskins who was kicked off the team for gambling. It went into receivership. We were all owed back wages, so we ran the club for a month or so, doing music, poetry readings, and buying groceries at the local grocery so the French chef who was throwing knives at walls could earn his way back home, too.
I applied for a job with UPI as a copygirl, and had gone for the second interview when I got a call from home that my sister had been hit by a truck, and if I wanted to see her, I'd better get there. That was the end of my sojourn in D.C.
After the Inauguration, I took the Metro around to various places I vaguely remembered. I bought groceries at an international store near 18th and Columbia Road and cooked an awesome dinner for my hosts.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

red line

When I was in D.C. for the Inauguration, I took the Metro Red Line every day to the Capitol area. I was staying with a former editor in Maryland, and he and his wife live near the last Red Line stop. It was total chaos during the Inauguration, but I appreciated the convenience of having mass transit nearby.
I was worried when I heard about the crash. He said in an email response that, of course, he was nowhere ready to come home from his editing job at McClatchy around rush hour, but a neighbor two doors down was in the crash and was interviewed on television, and that his wife had checked on her. She's okay.
I thought the Metro seemed very modern and safe compared to the New York subways when I lived there. Obviously, there is something to be said for human hands at the controls.
Here in the Columbia Gorge, we have no mass transit. If we crash, it's our fault, a deer crossing the road, or someone crossing the centerline. Which is worse --- a computer failure or a damn deer? Encounters with deer have happened to me twice, totaling my pickup once. I sat in a lot of stopped underground trains while I was in New York, but most of the time I never knew what had happened. Once, coming home from a gig in the middle of the night, we serenaded the other passengers stuck in the dark in a tunnel. We could because we had acoustic instruments. They applauded in the dark.
Thank you very much.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Places I visit in my dreams

There was a dirty cop in my latest dream, a charmingly cynical Latina with long eyelashes who casually stole because she could. She palmed twenties laid on the bar by men buying her a drink. Some of the bartenders were onto her, but they were also smitten, or bemused.
Her hands were hummingbirds, hovering momentarily in flight.
While in uniform, she sometimes took money or other tokens from slobbering drunks late at night, but only the mean ones. They reminded her of the men in the Bronx where she grew up, the ones always hitting on her, or the ones who hit her, like her father. That's why she was a cop.

A dream or an Inuit folk tale? Coming upon an unknown presence, something moving under filthy blankets piled next to a doorway, the people of the tiny village can't figure out what it is, but they know it is evil, not quite human. They glimpse red eyes.
It will not leave, and will not reveal itself.
To take upon themselves the collective guilt, they rush in with knives, stabbing, stabbing.
It escapes by rising into the air, suspended there like a really high blanket toss. Their monster has been transformed into an unharmed laughing baby boy.
They feel intense shame. It is a test they have failed.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

frustration

Replying curtly to ordinary questions. Guilty.
Wishing I could skip out, not attend this meeting, the one that starts in 53 minutes.
Also guilty.

There's such a thing as carrying an obligation to be punctual and responsible too far.
I can't extend it to courteous, so curt it is.

In my world, poetry and prose aren't done the same day.
I write prose for a living, the kind that lacks poetry.
And I pay for it.

Today I had an angry voice at the other end of the phone line, yelling,
threatening to sic an attorney on me.
According to her, I was guilty of one word in a heading over a letter to the editor.
I would admit no guilt, because there is none.
"Alleged" is alleged, after all.

This person is guilty of so much more. It is a classic case of smoke/flame.
This person would not be so upset if the shoe had not fit.
There are other analogies I could use, but I am too nice.

I have one question for this person:
Who died and made you queen?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

It was 5:01 when I woke from the dream with a sense of profound loss.
As usual, I was hurrying at the end, worried about getting back in time to get out the newspaper.
But this time, I knew I wouldn't make it.
I was in a fishing village in B.C., one with steep hills and a sharp salt smell in the air redolent of fish and tar.
I could barely climb the winding narrow stair while carrying my bag, all the while thinking, "They have enough to get out the paper without me," also thinking, "But I have to get back in time." Getting back involved train schedules, and finding the station in the first place.
I had wandered the streets, stopping by a ramshackle pub where a 400-pound black bear had lumbered into the lap of the man sitting across from me for a cuddle.
Walking the irregular streets, I had happened on a woman in her 70s, with coiffed hair and an ankle-length fur coat, tapping her sensibly-heeled foot to the time as she blew the shit out of a harmonica solo that I'd heard around the corner, drawing me in.
The town had the quaintness of a New England fishing village, Oysterville Victorians that weren't quite restored and had a dark underbelly, fishermen's bars where everyone accepted everyone else's eccentricities, while muttering under their breaths.
I didn't want to leave this place. It filled me with a wild longing to wander all over it as the sun set and the sea glimmered murkily.
I wanted to live there until I died in some cheap attic room in a boarding house, where drunken men passed me silently on the stairs. One of them would have been my lover, but we weren't speaking, and it didn't matter.
But then I woke, having to pee at 5:01, too early the morning after getting the paper out. And no, I wouldn't have had enough on the page yesterday to miss the deadline. I never do.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Chucklehead chutney

There are times when the best thing on the plate is the condiment.
Here is my own chutney recipe, made when I am blessed with wonderful pears and other fruit from the Hood River Valley or Yakima.

Chucklehead Chutney

8 Bartlett pears, chopped (You can use red ones --- leave the skin on)
2 limes, juice, chopped sections, plus the grated zest
4 green apples, chopped
2 peaches, chopped
1 orange, juice, segment pieces without skin
1 can pineapple (chunks or crushed in its own juice)
1 can Del Monte tropical fruits in juice
2 cups yellow raisins
1-1/2 cups brown sugar
3/4 cup apple cider vinegar
2 tsp. lemon juice concentrate
two healthy knobs fresh ginger, grated
2 T. whole cloves
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
freshly grated nutmeg
1/4 tsp. mace
3 large cloves garlic, chopped
1/2 tsp. cayenne (less, if you're chicken)
1/2 cup grated coconut (add last five minutes of simmering)
(4-5 very small whole dried chiles, if desired)
Put all ingredients except coconut and dried chiles in large non-reactive kettle. Bring to boil, lower heat, and simmer 20 minutes. Add coconut; simmer at least five more minutes. Check consistency of syrup—should cling to spoon. If not, cook some more. Add chilis, if desired.
Pour into sterilized pint jars; Cover with sterilized lids; tighten.
Process in simmering hot water bath 15 minutes. Remove jars from canner; cover with large towel and let cool 24 hours before moving jars for storage. Makes 9-10 pints. Good with curry dishes, chicken or pork. Refrigerate after opening.

Music Samples

Music Samples
I am singing at my niece's wedding June 27.

Not knowing she would ask me to sing, I had been working on lyrics for Chopin's Etude 10, No. 3, sometimes known as the "Tristesse."
When I awakened in the middle of the night two weeks ago to write down some lyrics, I didn't know others had also done versions of it.
They include Jo Stafford in 1950, who topped the charts with "No Other Love," leaving out the high crescendos while crooning a simpler version in her husky voice, and Sarah Brightman, who recorded a French version a few years ago.

The lyrics I wrote in the middle of the night are dark, more in line with the "Tristesse" feeling:

When you are gone, sleep will not come
I count the stars and wonder where you are.
And with the dawn,
tired eyes will face another sunrise
knowing life must go on.
I walk alone, among the crowds,
and look away from signs of other loves.
In every face see hope and loss and I must look away
for no one meets my gaze
with recognition in their eyes
I am alone,
time will disappear
days will turn to years
alone.

(piano interlude)

....I walk alone
among the crowds
and look away from signs of other loves.
In every face,
I see hope and loss
and I must look away
for no one meets my gaze with recognition in their eyes...
I am alone
and as time goes one
time will disappear
and how I fear
days turn to years
alone.


I wrote new lyrics just for Jenni, and they are much more romantic and hopeful:


Wandering alone, I felt despair
I thought that there could be no one to care.
You took my hand,
comforting the pain that had consumed me,
when I had felt so alone.
You fill my heart
with hope and love.
You are my sun and moon and stars above,
and by my side,
when those stormclouds darken and the rain begins to fall
it will not matter we'll find shelter from the storm
there is no harm ----
from this moment on
you and I will be
as one.

(Interlude)

You are the one
who takes my pain
and soothes my soul and makes me whole again.
And I am yours,
just as you are mine and we will make each moment count
and live our lives together
and forever love ---
and we are one
from this moment on
you and I will be
eternally
and we will be
as one.

(Both sets of lyrics by Joanna Grammon, (c) 2009)

So which is it? I do fear there is no one out there for me. At age 60, I have been essentially alone since 1982, and it may be too late to break that curse.
I do hope that Jenni will be happy with her Joe, who obviously loves her. He has long hair and rides a motorcycle, two strikes against him, according to some family members. Her self-righteous, vindictive first husband was absolutely the wrong person for her. She has had so many challenges since, including meningitis and partial disability.
Yet in spite of all her troubles, she has maintained the sweetest disposition, forging ahead, taking up the djembe when she could no longer play trap drums, joining SCA and going back to school.
Me? I seem to be stuck in a weekly routine of work and now, taking care of Mom, that precludes having a personal life.
The last few days have been a low point, with depression darkening my attempts to work on music and accomplish something other than work. Tapping into the part of the soul needed to write poetry/sing again is a fearful thing.
The lyrics I wrote for Jenni made her cry, and I do fear I shall do the same while trying to sing them at her wedding.
At my age, my voice is no longer as limber as it was two or three years ago. It has fallen a couple of notches, and while my sister thought I should be able to sing it in the original key of E, I am working on recording an instrumental version in A flat to use as accompaniment.

The original lyrics I wrote are much closer to the bone.
They are resonant of another set of lyrics I sent off last week to Nancy as part of her 69th birthday present, along with a recording by Fred Hersch and Toots Thieleman of "Lonely Woman," with "Nardis" as a two-fer, as Nancy calls it.
She will be working with Fred in New York soon, and I'm hoping she will be able to do his version of "You Must Believe in Spring," as I was able to find those lyrics for her online.
Here are my lyrics for Ornette Coleman's "Lonely Woman," which I actually wrote long ago:

She has been alone and waiting,
waiting alone at night.
Where are her youthful dreams?
Nothing is what it seems.
And as the clock ticks slowly,
so slowly time slips by.

Once she had a life before her.
Happiness passed her by.
Love's an elusive thing,
dragonfly in the wing,
hovering once, and skimming
over water at dusk.

She has things to occupy her,
work and a few good friends.
But when they say goodbye,
the mirror doesn't lie.
It says she's getting older,
alone with cats and her pen.

She is only one of many,
sitting in rooms alone.
Beauty is fading fast.
Beauty's not made to last.
She has so much to offer.
But no one sees her at all.


I gave the above to Ornette, while visiting his studio in a former school on the lower East Side, but I've never heard any feedback from him.
Someone else has also done lyrics. Mine fit well with the melody, and I think there is a hint of "Eleanor Rigby" poignancy in there.

I must stop wandering through words. It is time to make Mom's dinner. She is at church, and this is my cherished time of Sunday solitude.
I know I hurt her feelings when I sequester myself in my room with my computer, but I have to do it. This is my chance to do it without guilt, without her opening the door, wondering what I am up to.

Here's to love.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

snapshots

My father didn't always take good pictures (or slides), and time did its worst to many. Some are out of focus, or pinkish as the color film of that time fades into oblivion. But some of them are good, really crisp and revealing personalities, and all are a window into times past.
As my father sank into Alzheimer's, my brother took a box of slides and photos Dad had taken over the years back to Louisiana with him. He had them turned into a CD, which he has shared with all of us.
Some of the photos date back as far as 1951. In a couple, my sister Deanna and I wear matching outfits, squinting against the sun. In one, I am clasping my hands to my chest in excitement.
Deanna is a toddler in the first ones, and I'm not much older. There are gaps. Boise and Iowa seem to have been skipped, and Yakima was mainly skimmed over. Wapato looms large, mostly birthdays, with candles lit on seven minute icing, in my case adorned with fresh rose blossoms. In one, Lois and Arnie are actually asleep in their seats at the double dinette set. Dad was probably working late, and Mom had held off the birthday party until his arrival. Deanna and I are wearing glasses that tilt up at the corners. In one, I have my hair in two ponytails with those roses tucked into the rubber bands. It looks like my 15th birthday.
Then there is Arizona. I stayed in the Yakima Valley with the minister and his family to finish my junior year. There are quite a few photos without me --- their visits with relatives in California, and their first months in the mobile home in the middle of the desert.
In many of the Arizona family portraits, we are all squinting against the sun. There is a shot of Oak Creek Canyon near Sedona, taken from above the water's swift course downhill.
That's where I took nearly all the skin off the front of my left leg while whooshing down the sandstone waterslide, turning the first weeks of my senior year in a new high school into a limping litmus test.
In one picture, I am shown forking pit-barbecued meat onto my plate at a church picnic, Terry Juarez proudly presiding over the carving knife. My hair is in curlers, and Grandma Juarez can be seen, all four foot three of her, behind my elbow.
In another Arizona shot, I am playing guitar with sheet music held in front of me. This was during the first part of my folk music phase, and I am merely tolerating the gospel tune I am playing to accompany the other church folk. I'm sure I would have rather been playing a traditional Appalachian or English folk song. During that year, Mom smashed my Joan Baez records, as I discovered after coming home one day from school. I had long straight hair much of that year, and wore "granny" dresses I made myself, with long, lace-trimmed sleeves. I was surprised to find in the photos that my hair had been cut short before graduation. I didn't remember that. In the cap and gown shots, I look positively loopy.
By that time, I knew I was bound for Midwestern School of Evangelism in Iowa, largely against my will. There was a year and a half when Dad and I did not communicate at all.
Dad's photos that include me resume in the early '70s, when I was living in Portland with Alan and they were building the house at Skamania.
There's only one existing snapshot of me in San Francisco. I tucked it into a long descriptive letter that Mom kept a lot of years. Reading that letter again was a revelation. I was candid about what was happening then, and about Trent, the drummer I was living with at the time.
Shortly after sending that letter, I became quite ill with hepatitis.
I had to be fetched from San Francisco and hospitalized. After that, I sang in coffeehouses around Vancouver and Portland, and went on the road with a band based in D.C.
I was back in Portland living with Alan when Mom and Dad bought the Skamania property. There are photos of the rocky expanse, and the beginnings of construction. We came up a few times on weekends to help. There are photos of Alan and I, taken by Dad along a rock wall in the Columbia Gorge in some sylvan spot. In them, Alan is beautiful. They are the only photos I have of him now. I cried when I discovered them on the CD of Dad's photos.
Those pictures were taken before I left Alan and went back to San Francisco, where an anonymous customer took an instant snapshot of me, (turn about's fair play), as I was demonstrating Kodak instant cameras. The svelte woman in the photo whom I barely recognize is wearing a snug turquoise knit top and the turquoise heart necklace William brought back from Peru. I no longer have it, and it had developed a crack before it got lost in the detritus.
Not long after that, I went to New York. That's where I later got the news that Alan had hung himself in the woods near OHSU. He had visited me in my apartment at Bretton Hall on the upper West Side. We went out to hear some music, and he slept on the floor. He had a new girlfriend in Boston and had seemed quite positive about recent changes in his life. Then I got the call from Mike Kearsey, the bass-player in Upepo, telling me Alan was dead.
About 1979 or 1980, that same period of time, someone snapped a picture of me sitting at a table between sets at my regular gig at the Red Rooster in Harlem.
I hardly recognize that woman, either. She has a cigarette smoldering in the ashtray, and a cold Heineken is next to it. She also has a tape deck and an open fakebook in front of her. She is probably looking up tunes for the next set.
The upholstery on the booths is red velvet, and the mirror behind her is dark. She is wearing a lacy jade-colored sweater, and a sly grin.
No one takes snapshots any more, except with instant cameras or their cell phones. At recent family gatherings, the digital photographers in the bunch take images that are shared, but they show people opening presents or carving turkeys. They don't reveal much personality.
There are a few recent digital photos taken of me, a fat older person I would prefer not to recognize. My youngest sister grabbed a few shots at a 4th of July gig. The guitar player looks downright grim in most of the photos (I hope that is concentration), and I notice that I have a very big mouth when I sing.
Then there are a couple of hilarious blurry shots someone took of me singing in my Madrigal Feast outfit. I do not make a good picture, although I take other people's pictures all the time as part of my job. I don't do a lot of snapping away at family gatherings either, like I used to.

Dad has been gone more than a year now. I am glad that we have Dad's old pictures. Sometimes I buy flowers or a plant, but they don't last long. His pictures have lasted quite a while longer, though quietly languishing in a box in the closet many years.
Now they are a window to the past that I'm grateful to have.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

My brain is a sponge --- it gets wrung out every Monday onto the pages of the newspaper, with my photos as flotsam. Since this is Tuesday, I am feeling a bit high and dry. My sponge is in need of a quiet spring in which to rehydrate.
I should be outside pushing a lawnmower over the dandelions. I should also be making pumpernickel bagels to go with the Alaskan smoked salmon I bought, or a loaf of sourdough from the jar in the refrigerator that has been sitting next to the pickles for more than a week unused.
Instead, I am making a blog.
My sister insisted I start one. Hers is quite amazing, when I am able to get a look at it. I had it bookmarked, then it disappeared. She occasionally shares when we are in the same room and she has her laptop on.
Turning 60 last week was cause for a pause to reflect on the ephemeral nature of things. Attending two high school graduations in one day didn't help things. Memories of my own graduation come too easily --- walking across the stage in the Arizona heat in those white shoes that were too big for me.
Sitting in the row as I filed past was one of the contributors to "potpourri," the little poetry magazine I started with Steve, a 14-year-old senior. The boy opened his closed fist to reveal a sugar cube. ("It's LSD," he whispered.) After all, it was 1967.
I thought about that summer this morning. It was Arizona, too hot to work, although I did.
I remember lying on a roof next to Tommy, looking at the stars as a cool breeze washed over us. Infinity isn't scary to an 18-year-old. Now it is.

Pause that refreshes

Pause that refreshes
taken at Trout Lake Arts Fest