I am singing at my niece's wedding June 27.

Not knowing she would ask me to sing, I had been working on lyrics for Chopin's Etude 10, No. 3, sometimes known as the "Tristesse."
When I awakened in the middle of the night two weeks ago to write down some lyrics, I didn't know others had also done versions of it.
They include Jo Stafford in 1950, who topped the charts with "No Other Love," leaving out the high crescendos while crooning a simpler version in her husky voice, and Sarah Brightman, who recorded a French version a few years ago.

The lyrics I wrote in the middle of the night are dark, more in line with the "Tristesse" feeling:

When you are gone, sleep will not come
I count the stars and wonder where you are.
And with the dawn,
tired eyes will face another sunrise
knowing life must go on.
I walk alone, among the crowds,
and look away from signs of other loves.
In every face see hope and loss and I must look away
for no one meets my gaze
with recognition in their eyes
I am alone,
time will disappear
days will turn to years
alone.

(piano interlude)

....I walk alone
among the crowds
and look away from signs of other loves.
In every face,
I see hope and loss
and I must look away
for no one meets my gaze with recognition in their eyes...
I am alone
and as time goes one
time will disappear
and how I fear
days turn to years
alone.


I wrote new lyrics just for Jenni, and they are much more romantic and hopeful:


Wandering alone, I felt despair
I thought that there could be no one to care.
You took my hand,
comforting the pain that had consumed me,
when I had felt so alone.
You fill my heart
with hope and love.
You are my sun and moon and stars above,
and by my side,
when those stormclouds darken and the rain begins to fall
it will not matter we'll find shelter from the storm
there is no harm ----
from this moment on
you and I will be
as one.

(Interlude)

You are the one
who takes my pain
and soothes my soul and makes me whole again.
And I am yours,
just as you are mine and we will make each moment count
and live our lives together
and forever love ---
and we are one
from this moment on
you and I will be
eternally
and we will be
as one.

(Both sets of lyrics by Joanna Grammon, (c) 2009)

So which is it? I do fear there is no one out there for me. At age 60, I have been essentially alone since 1982, and it may be too late to break that curse.
I do hope that Jenni will be happy with her Joe, who obviously loves her. He has long hair and rides a motorcycle, two strikes against him, according to some family members. Her self-righteous, vindictive first husband was absolutely the wrong person for her. She has had so many challenges since, including meningitis and partial disability.
Yet in spite of all her troubles, she has maintained the sweetest disposition, forging ahead, taking up the djembe when she could no longer play trap drums, joining SCA and going back to school.
Me? I seem to be stuck in a weekly routine of work and now, taking care of Mom, that precludes having a personal life.
The last few days have been a low point, with depression darkening my attempts to work on music and accomplish something other than work. Tapping into the part of the soul needed to write poetry/sing again is a fearful thing.
The lyrics I wrote for Jenni made her cry, and I do fear I shall do the same while trying to sing them at her wedding.
At my age, my voice is no longer as limber as it was two or three years ago. It has fallen a couple of notches, and while my sister thought I should be able to sing it in the original key of E, I am working on recording an instrumental version in A flat to use as accompaniment.

The original lyrics I wrote are much closer to the bone.
They are resonant of another set of lyrics I sent off last week to Nancy as part of her 69th birthday present, along with a recording by Fred Hersch and Toots Thieleman of "Lonely Woman," with "Nardis" as a two-fer, as Nancy calls it.
She will be working with Fred in New York soon, and I'm hoping she will be able to do his version of "You Must Believe in Spring," as I was able to find those lyrics for her online.
Here are my lyrics for Ornette Coleman's "Lonely Woman," which I actually wrote long ago:

She has been alone and waiting,
waiting alone at night.
Where are her youthful dreams?
Nothing is what it seems.
And as the clock ticks slowly,
so slowly time slips by.

Once she had a life before her.
Happiness passed her by.
Love's an elusive thing,
dragonfly in the wing,
hovering once, and skimming
over water at dusk.

She has things to occupy her,
work and a few good friends.
But when they say goodbye,
the mirror doesn't lie.
It says she's getting older,
alone with cats and her pen.

She is only one of many,
sitting in rooms alone.
Beauty is fading fast.
Beauty's not made to last.
She has so much to offer.
But no one sees her at all.


I gave the above to Ornette, while visiting his studio in a former school on the lower East Side, but I've never heard any feedback from him.
Someone else has also done lyrics. Mine fit well with the melody, and I think there is a hint of "Eleanor Rigby" poignancy in there.

I must stop wandering through words. It is time to make Mom's dinner. She is at church, and this is my cherished time of Sunday solitude.
I know I hurt her feelings when I sequester myself in my room with my computer, but I have to do it. This is my chance to do it without guilt, without her opening the door, wondering what I am up to.

Here's to love.